Legal Counsel Gifts

"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Are you telling me that just because something is against the law, that makes it illegal?"

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

Due Diligence Man

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"You can not go around calling me incompetent. That falls under attorney client priveledge."

"And before you mail your valentines, please make sure your attorney reviews the sexual harassment waiver."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"If you prick a corporation, does it not bleed? If you tickle it, does it not laugh? If you poison it, does it not die?"

"I didn't realize, Your Honor. I assumed the law here was the same as in New Jersey. As you may know, dog eat dog is permissible there."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"That's not the morning paper, Storm. That's a subpoena."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Will your client marry my client?"

'How did you know that I'm an attorney?'

"Your Honor, the relevance of this line of questioning will become apparent in a moment."

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

"I seek vindication." "I seek three hundred dollars an hour."

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

"I'd like to enter, as defense exhibit 'A', this red herring."

"It sure would be swell if your last words didn't mention that eyewitness who recanted her testimony, the con that confessed to your crime, the DNA test that proved your innocence, or the fact that I slept through most of your trial."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"To the unsophisticated, I suppose, I'm guilty."

"Overruled."

"I think we're losing 'em."

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."