Legal Hearing Gifts

Judge: 'I will not have this courtroom be turned into a circus! ... no matter how fun it may be.'

Trial by Media

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"They're class action figures."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Another slander suit!"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Sue The Bastards

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."