Court Hearing Gifts

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'