Court Hearing Gifts

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."