Court Appearance Gifts

"I think I prefer not to have the cuffs show that much."

"This is a good match. Are you being tried here or in L.A.?"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Gary turns 40.

"Bailiff."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

Lady Justice.

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'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"He's doing it again, your honor!"