Court Appearances Gifts

Your honor, the witness continues to be evasive. ! ! ! This is your final warning, young lady. Remember, I have the power to pronounce you two man and wife.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Gary turns 40.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."