Legal Battle Gifts

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

I can't believe it. My band's new album sold a million copies on iTunes. I'm rich! First thing I'm going to do is buy a mansion with twelve rooms, each with its own Playstation and Xbox that my butler will play for me. You might not want to spend any of that money just yet, little buddy. You might need it for the settlement. What settlement? I'm not sure it was entirely legal to name your album "Beyonce's New Album." I added "sarcastic quotes" around it, so it'll be fine.

"Our religious friends are praying, our atheist friends are sending good thoughts, and our lawyer friends are figuring out who to sue."

"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"

"Please go easy on my client. He's suffered enough with all the internet shaming."

Wal-Mart Ruling

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Another slander suit!"

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

'He started it!'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

"We the jury find that the murder was committed by Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick!"

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'I'm recusing myself from this case.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'But you told me to try and look innocent.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

"Your Honor, Mr. Jones is a waiter and claims he thought the $75,000 in stolen bank funds were left for a tip."