Legal Associate Gifts

'One more 'howdy pardner' and you're back to being an associate.'

'We deliver all the justice you can afford.'

'Thank you for calling Bemis and Associates...your call is not important to us because we've gone bankrupt.'

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

I love Lawyers

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Barristers

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Who wrote this "Law of the Jungle" nonsense? It is highly biased in favour of predators!"

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Lady Justice and Confidential Files