Legal Assistant Gifts

'No, I said 'paralegals'.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

'Remember to bill for the time it takes to bill for the time it takes to bill.'

'Don't sign any binding agreements that we can't un-bind.'

'Take this and make it much more difficult than it needs to be.'

"I don't need a will, I've spent it all. Draft me a won't."

"Say, isn't that the guy who used to draft legal documents at our law firm?"

As it turned out, that was a lie too.

It's hard to defend plagiarism.

"Unfortunately, the law allows me no leeway in the case of an acquittal. I have to let you go."

'Send this contract back to legal. It needs more obfuscation.'

Bailiff, swearing in witness in court: 'Do you swear to spin the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

'Through no fault of my own, I have a tendency to shade the truth.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"It's a Freedom of Information request for my naughty-or-nice list."

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

'Let me remind you that in our legal system we're nice until proven naughty.'

Personal injury claims...

"Your Honor, we the jury blame the victim."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

Small Claims Court a man has arrived to a very small claims court not sure of what to make of it

'Court is now in recess, Barnes. You can stop talking in legalese.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

An automatic arbitration machine

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"I swear to tell my own truth..."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Ashford & Hayes Law Firm.

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."