Legal Assistant Gifts

'No, I said 'paralegals'.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

'Remember to bill for the time it takes to bill for the time it takes to bill.'

'Don't sign any binding agreements that we can't un-bind.'

'Take this and make it much more difficult than it needs to be.'

"I don't need a will, I've spent it all. Draft me a won't."

"Say, isn't that the guy who used to draft legal documents at our law firm?"

It's hard to defend plagiarism.

As it turned out, that was a lie too.

"Unfortunately, the law allows me no leeway in the case of an acquittal. I have to let you go."

'Through no fault of my own, I have a tendency to shade the truth.'

Bailiff, swearing in witness in court: 'Do you swear to spin the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

'Send this contract back to legal. It needs more obfuscation.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'Let me remind you that in our legal system we're nice until proven naughty.'

"It's a Freedom of Information request for my naughty-or-nice list."

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

"Your Honor, we the jury blame the victim."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Small Claims Court a man has arrived to a very small claims court not sure of what to make of it

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

"I swear to tell my own truth..."

An automatic arbitration machine

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Court is now in recess, Barnes. You can stop talking in legalese.'

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Ms. Burney, do we have anything on right and wrong?"

"Your Honour, Counsel submits the emails are admissible on the basis that anyone could have guessed the password."

"Megan, will you please prepare our client for cross examination?"