Associate Gifts

"I'm a partner trapped in an associate's body."

'Time is money, Caldwell...as my associate, you need to reset your time with mine, yours hasn't been making the money the company demands.'

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

C'mon, Bob, the associate chases the manager's tail, the manager chases the VP's tail, and the VP chases my tail for me – You know how this works.

'Not only the slot in the back is considered offensive to my people. It's that, given the times, we don't want to be associated with your line of business.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'I sent out for everything.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Come dine with me!

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Ahhh... close enough."

The Art Student.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."