Legal Action Gifts

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'He's been driven mad by reading about all these huge litigation cases...'

attorney at law

'You did help create new jobs... but they were all for lawyers.'

'Son, if life deals you lemons, sue the produce growers.'

Trial by Media

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'What'll it be?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Sue The Bastards

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."