Lazybones Detective Pillows

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Mine's still in bed."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I hope you realize your late arrivals for work seriously upset the museum's visitors!"

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

"I don't use straws anymore. Straws are bad for the environment."

I can carry all the plastic bags I need!

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"Technology has made him lazy. He used to run and fetch the stick. Now he just sends his drone after it."

'Did you see who pushed you?'

Inventing the wheel, hitchhiking.

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

'The only thing mobile about you is your phone.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"We all have a duvet day, Martin, but a duvet week!"

"Anything?"

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"

"The reason we got the dog was so that you would get more exercise."

Daily Exercise

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

'I can't wait to tell the vet what a great mouser you are.'

SANTA'S WORKSHOP, 'Kris, Kringle, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas -- if you're on the level, why all the aliases?'

Do It Yourself Couch Potato