Lazybones Detective Gifts

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Mine's still in bed."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"Celebrating Labor Day assumes you've labored at least one day during the previous year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I hope you realize your late arrivals for work seriously upset the museum's visitors!"

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

"I don't use straws anymore. Straws are bad for the environment."

'Did you see who pushed you?'

I can carry all the plastic bags I need!

"Technology has made him lazy. He used to run and fetch the stick. Now he just sends his drone after it."

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Inventing the wheel, hitchhiking.

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

"Anything?"

"We all have a duvet day, Martin, but a duvet week!"

'The only thing mobile about you is your phone.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

Do It Yourself Couch Potato

Daily Exercise

'I can't wait to tell the vet what a great mouser you are.'

"The reason we got the dog was so that you would get more exercise."

"Where'd you find it, dad?"

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

Publishing Co. The editor rejected my novel about a group of buddies on a roadtrip. She said it had too many plotholes.

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"