Lazy Bones Club Gifts

Inventing the wheel, hitchhiking.

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mine's still in bed."

A Golden Non-Retriever

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

Ultra-lazy sloth

"He's an indoor cat."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'What does L.B.W. mean?'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Even when it came to walking the dog Norman would take a relaxed approach.

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

"Next year, I'm pleasuring myself."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

Eucharist

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

'I think someone's asking to go out.'

"I hope you realize your late arrivals for work seriously upset the museum's visitors!"

"I just got the place feeling like home again and now it's time to go back to college."

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Exercise vs Laxative.

Crumbs of Comfort

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

'That better not be a second rib scar, Adam.'

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'