Laziness Combatant Gifts

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Homo Zapiens

Ultra-lazy sloth

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I want to work from home!"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Fetch the Boomerang

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the trouble you went through to get yourself cloned."

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

Eventual Motion Machine

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"The great thing about being bad at your job is nobody asks you for help with their work."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

Couch potato thinks: 'This sure beats having a life.'

'I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!'

Self-Walking Legs

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

"Hey - it says here that humans used to have these things called 'legs'. Apparently they used these legs to 'walk' to the shops and actually buy stuff in person...!"

"I don't have to fetch his slippers anymore. His drone does it."

These days, he only uses the @#$% thing to change the channel.

'Sloth? We prefer Creature of Persistent Inactivity.'

'Call me lazy if you want, but I wouldn't trade my life with anybody else's...'

"I'm not picky—whatever's wounded."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"When good hamsters go bad."

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

'I am not lazy, I have a disease. It's called couchaholism.'

I think the revolution's started - his room's in an awful mess!

'Mrs. Philip, please chew my food for me.'