Lawn Ranger Gifts

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

Lost ball.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get a longer cable?"

"Did you mow the lawn and feed the dog?"

Bitchbark Canoe

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

Bear Hugging Season Open

"Let's hear some of that scout master wisdom now, sir!"

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

"I do miss trees but I don't miss the raking."

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

Beaver tower

Dog tries to obey No Dog sign

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Garden pond: mosquito breeding ground

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Hiking sign - Stop, pause, play, skip forward, skip back

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

Beginning Yarder.

The Canoga Forest - coming soon: The Conoga Desert.

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Even for a mountain goat he's good.

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,