Law-loving Laugh-seeker Gifts

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Sklar, Liebowitz, Rubin and Kaminsky... Attorneys a go-go."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'He tripped over a pavement sign that said 'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?' So he called the number and sued them'

"I'm not quite ready to order. My lawyers are still studying the menu."

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

"It's your attorney."

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

A-sexual activity will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Are you hoping to impugn the witness's bona fides? Um, depending on what that means … very possibly!

Creative Lawyers: Our Rates - Justice $300 per hour/Appearance of Justice $1000 per hour.

"This man will be kept in police custard."

'Dumpty vs. All the kings men...'

An Innocent Offender.

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

"I'm only doing this job because I feel sorry for my Legal Aid lawyer."

'I knew it was easy, but I didn't realize it was ILLEGAL to take candy from a baby.'

Objection. Big word balloons do not sway the court, Mr. Fusco.

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

"...and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

Lawyer Pranks: 'No, your honor. we have no idea why everyone would start leaving the courtroom all at the same time.'