Laugh-loving Uncles Pillows

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

Dog traps the postman.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

Family Butcher.

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

'Wait a minute! I think our line has been tapped.'

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

'Enough, George... I let you get the stupid pool. I'm not going to cut your dinner into little pieces and dump it in.'

'He's adopted.'

Makes me feel young again!

"Hey kids! - look what I found at the local animal shelter!"

Hey, don't just throw that on the ground! What were you raised by people?

Okay, one more time... Mom is expecting a baby, but that doesn't mean you'll be sold as a used kid. Got it now?

"We had the union meeting here because I felt this was the most appropriate place to present management's contract offer."

'I'm not here!'

"What say this week you be the cat and I'll be the dog?"

CATS BEHAVING BADLY - cats are watching this tv programme on a badly-scratched sofa

Timmy's been wetting the bed again. Time for a visit from the Kidney fairy.

"You never listen to me! You only use your sticky-out ears to keep your mask on!"