Humor-appreciating Uncle Pillows

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Around the Dogbox in 80 Days.

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Dog traps the postman.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

Pianist.

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

President Grant's Civil Service Reform is not to the Taste of Either Party, despite Professed Enthusiasm

"Russia's always bigger than you think."

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

"Museum directory: Male statues with big d**ks. Female statues with huge tits & fat butts."

Plaids set man apart from the lower animals

'You are always living in the past!'

At the Old Bikers' Home

'Enough, George... I let you get the stupid pool. I'm not going to cut your dinner into little pieces and dump it in.'

"My report is on the three branches of government - checks, balances, and subpoenas."

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

These are the quills used to sign the Declaration of Independence! The founding feathers!

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

'1815 - the night before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon seems a tense and pre-occupied.'

'I'm not here!'