Fun Uncle Pillows

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Prize vegetables.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"What's a patent?"