Laugh Doctors Gifts

'Gwen, I feel horrible! I may have to cancel tonight's set. . . The E.R. doctor was so impressed, he let me keep his stethoscope.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

Medical Cabinet

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

"You have natural causes.''

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

Precious comedy writers.

"Everytime he sticks his finger down his throat, he tells a joke."

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"Your first operation? Mine too!"

'Boy, am I getting hungry!'

Operating Room Table Scraps

'The target most GPs are looking for is one that gets rid of QOF targets.'

'Stop complaining - you only get a horse if you're delivering first class mail.'

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"

"He's on life support. Mostly support."

Acupuncture

'Okay, nanobots, our primary mission is to clean out this guy's arteries. But while we're here I can't see any harm in also building him a nice pair of man-breasts...'

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

Doctor tells sick patient: 'The good part, if you're looking to impress, is that it's not a disease, it's a syndrome.'