Laugh Doctor Gifts

"To help with the constant ringing in your ears, I'm prescribing instructions to set up your voice mailbox."

Medical Cabinet

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

Wang Ying had a dental appointment at 'toof-hurty'!

"Everytime he sticks his finger down his throat, he tells a joke."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"It's cooties."

Jugular Vein

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"He took an Alka-Seltzer and now he thinks he’s sparkling."

'Stop complaining - you only get a horse if you're delivering first class mail.'

Operating Room Table Scraps

"Your medicine's in the bag and the side effects are on the CD-ROM

Audience given prompt to laugh: 'I don't think it's funny either - Now laugh!'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"