Late Marriage Gifts

Now that our kids are grown and the house is paid off...

"There's an advantage to marrying late in life; I'll probably die before she has a chance to divorce me."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Now that's Real TV!'

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Aging Problems

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."