Late Motherhood Gifts

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"He's such a fussy eater."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Mother Nature

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

I love my family!

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Men explained.

"I actually had this haircut before I became a mom."

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

Downloading Pregnancy

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Mother's Love

'They sure have small litters.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

The Yummiest Mummy in the Village

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"