Las Vegas Gifts

'Nothing really happened in Vegas, but my money stayed there.'

Most liberal slots on The Strip

"Would you please come with us, Sir?!"

Addicted gambler.

Jonathan Bugsy Seagull

Slot machine with tip slot.

"I can't even deal."

"He loved Vegas."

Casino

'Sorry, this machine only takes small bills.'

'You should take one -- you could only improve your hand.'

'Las Vegas? It's 70 years that way.'

Elvis impersonator, managed by Col. Parker's nephew, Eddie.

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

"I call it, 'wheel'. I spin it, drop this pebble, and if you don't guess where it stops, I take your stuff."

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

King Kongs first christmas

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

Party Time!

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Entering New York City - Check it out

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'I've seen this kind of thing before. In Vegas, I believe.'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

You Are Now Entering Las Vegas. Lock Your Car And Open Your Wallet

'I was ahead the entire trip, until I took a shot at the double-or-nothing checkout option.'