Las Vegas Vacation Gifts

'Hey, I'm having a pretty good streak here--how about you guys?'

Zombie standup

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"First class, or with children?"

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Canada's winter survival kit.

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'You know your problem, Harlan? You need to get in touch with your 'inner beach bum'.'

"Sounds like you've got a great vacation planned...with plenty of down-time for the conference calls I'm planning."

Great North Travel...'Your Florida connection!'

Summer's coming! Occupy Cornwall!

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

"This can't be good."

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

'What'll it be: rough-and-ready, ready or not, not on your life, or life's a beach?'

Pre-vacation-burn-out radiology reports.

'Two for French Polynesia.'

"For God's sake, will you relax?"

City travel: 'If you like our cheese, you'll love Switzerland!'

"Free safety demonstration on board the flight?"

"Have you decided where to travel?"

'Men pack. Women move.'

'Men will never understand.'