Lactose Warrior Gifts

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Your blood sugar is off the charts."

'These literary duels really are most frightfully dull.'

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

"Is it safe to assume that the meat is laced with antibiotics and the salad is chockfull of pesticides?"

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

'Thank you for this food, and protect us from the additives and preservatives therin.'

Centurion with an empty plate.

Amazing new parenting methods...No. 94, preventing obesity.

"It seems an ungrateful and disrespectful monster has taken over Baldo's brain."

'You are not losing weight! Put down the knife and fork and pick up the dumbbells!'

The end of hibernation.

'Here's your diet -- notice the two-minute warning.'