Lactose Intolerant Warriors Gifts

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."

The Nihilist Deli.

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

The Last Thanksgiving

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

Zombie diabetes sites: When those dead spots on our body consume insulin like the ravenous undead.

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"Now Harold, you know those always give you heartburn."

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

Not All Diets Work.

Quitting smoking isn't easy!

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

"I would be an animal-rights activist, but I have allergies."

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

'Help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

'You are severely allergic to monosodium glutamate.'

"Kill something low-fat."