Lactose Intolerant Advocate Gifts

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

The Nihilist Deli.

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"Leftovers"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I'm gluten intolerant."

'Couldn't you just say you're lactose-intolerant?'

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."