Lactose Intolerant Advocate Pillows

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

The Nihilist Deli.

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"Leftovers"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I'm gluten intolerant."

Dan was becoming increasingly lactose intolerant.

'Couldn't you just say you're lactose-intolerant?'

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"