Lactose Intolerance Pillows

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."