Lactose Intolerant Pillows

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

New Milks

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."