Lactose Intolerant Legend Gifts

The Nihilist Deli.

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

Cheese maker

Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

'You fight the Gluten Hordes, make your way through the Peanut Fields, battle the Lactose King...'

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."