Koi Fish Conqueror Gifts

"One day, I will catch the koi fish that nibbled my left leg."

Just call me Picasso!

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Second lifeReal life.

"Well, looks like Bob has hooked another baby kraken."

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

"As night falls, You return to claim what isn't yours. . . come at me, sea devil!!!"

Female chemotherapy warrior.

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"Stop staring"

Painter's Duel.

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

'My right brain isn't working.'

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

Artist paints UNDO icon onto canvas.

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

"I just acquired absolute power and you've had it for quite a while now, so tell me... When does the absolute corruption start kicking in?"

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

A Chef Never Rests

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'

Speleologist

'The mARTyr'

'Unfortunately, he's very productive in paintings, not money.'

Abstract painter

'And you honey, how was your day at the PlayStation?'

Keeping up with the jones

"Easy with that computer, Martha. It senses fear."

A giant crowd, both in line for coffee and airport security.

Fancy portrait of the gentleman who killed the greatest number of small birds. [To be hung up in all sparrow clubs]

Cutting onions

'I'm not sure I like Billy playing video games so much!'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'