Koi Fish Conqueror Pillows

"One day, I will catch the koi fish that nibbled my left leg."

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Second lifeReal life.

Just call me Picasso!

"Well, looks like Bob has hooked another baby kraken."

"As night falls, You return to claim what isn't yours. . . come at me, sea devil!!!"

Female chemotherapy warrior.

Painter's Duel.

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

"Stop staring"

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

'My right brain isn't working.'

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

Artist paints UNDO icon onto canvas.

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

Speleologist

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'

A Chef Never Rests

'The mARTyr'

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'Unfortunately, he's very productive in paintings, not money.'

Abstract painter

Keeping up with the jones

A giant crowd, both in line for coffee and airport security.

Cutting onions

'I'm not sure I like Billy playing video games so much!'

"Easy with that computer, Martha. It senses fear."

Fancy portrait of the gentleman who killed the greatest number of small birds. [To be hung up in all sparrow clubs]

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

Old man with a zimmer frame grittier