Kitchen Virtuoso T-Shirts

'All right Billy, until your 'staccato' touch improves, we'll be having our piano lessons here at the stove.'

Busy woman

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

Dancing Chicken - A chicken tries to save itself by performing a song and dance routine.

Cooking is like composing orchestral music - combining different elements into something harmonious and beautiful. Unfortunately this is an unfinished symphony.

'I'll just dumb this down for ten minutes...'

Whistling tea kettle.

"I idolised him, then I saw his kitchen!"

Come dine with me!

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Jack of all trades

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Too much cilantro

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Benihana style of cooking.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

A Day In The Kitchen

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."