Kitchen Performer T-Shirts

Spatula Conductor

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Chef copy robot

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'