Kitchen Tasks Gifts

Cat Chores

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

Counting ribs

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Too much cilantro

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

Salt and Pepper

'Let's see what else will explode in the microwave!'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

The Perfect Foil

Chef copy robot

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.