Home Tasks Gifts

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Don't bother your father. He tried to fold a fitted sheet.'

Snake charmer.

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

The Missing Sock Returns

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

When laundry ruled the waves.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Kitchen Tetris

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

A DIY disaster.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

Washing Line Walker

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'But you said to clean my room.'

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Pest Control