Kitchen Party Gifts

Tupperware Wolf

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Soup of the month.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Face painting by numbers.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Too much cilantro

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

Children's Party

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Salt and Pepper