Kitchen Hygiene Pillows

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Allotment

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

The Brothers Grime

Too much cilantro

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Salt and Pepper

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

The Perfect Foil

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

New Twenty Blades

Cookery Lesson.

Shaving

'Which one of these things is the soap?'

Entertainment systems

"You have arrived at your destination."

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

Team medic spraying deodorant

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

"Did you manage to pass the buck on our dodgy food?"

ABsurd semi-automatic breakfast maker

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

'Glass of hot water please, I want to wash the cutlery'

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