Kitchen Disaster Comedian Pillows

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'It's all homemade.'

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

Chef copy robot

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Roasted

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'