Kitchen Disaster Connoisseur Pillows

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Darn! The wife is gonna kill me for not reading the label.'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Dinner isn't ready yet. I haven't heard the smoke alarm go off."

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."