Kitchen Catastrophe Enthusiast Pillows

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'A small amount of milk can turn into so much.'

'Put water in a pan. Put pan on stove. Turn the burner on high...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'My hero!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."