Kitchen Catastrophe Connoisseur Pillows

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

Cook au vin

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.