Kitchen Disaster Enthusiast Pillows

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'