Kitchen Disaster Enthusiasts Pillows

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"My dad ate my homework."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

Punch Initials - T

Smelly fish.

All sizzle and no roast

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'