Kitchen Disaster Comedian Gifts

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

Chef copy robot

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

'It's all homemade.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Roasted