Kitchen Conspirator Gifts

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

Come dine with me!

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Benihana style of cooking.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Surprise in the salad bowl

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

Hot pot

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

The legend of Chef Arthur.

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

"More?"

"Fridge-to-table"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

Come dine with me!

Oh you smoothie

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

"Namaste."

Bake-a-thon.