Kitchen Spy Gifts

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"I'm unable to process this image."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Boy baking a cake.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

The History of Anti-stick

Summer holiday activities the whole family will love.

Molecular gastronomy.

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

'The biochemist at work' The biochemist at lunch'.

"I don't know if it was the peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich or the pickle milkshake I had for lunch!"

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'Whoa! When did we get that big Tupperware bowl?'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'