Kitchen Spy Gifts

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"I'm unable to process this image."

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Boy baking a cake.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

Molecular gastronomy.

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

Summer holiday activities the whole family will love.

The History of Anti-stick

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

'The biochemist at work' The biochemist at lunch'.

"I don't know if it was the peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich or the pickle milkshake I had for lunch!"

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

Five seconds before the first turducken.

'Whoa! When did we get that big Tupperware bowl?'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'