Culinary Conspirator Gifts

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

"After you read the menu, eat it."

'The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.' 'AND it doesn't show up in the autopsy.'

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

Observe, Prepare, Act

"When you were in the kitchen, we voted for no more spinach or broccoli!"

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Horse meat scandal.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

'People soup again?'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Guess Where Your Dinner Is?

'Nice Touch!'